lolzomgwtfnowai!

Something was wrong tonight. We don't know if there was a full moon out or God know's what, but something was definitely funky.

For starters, although we lost, we're pretty damn proud at the fact that the Leafs managed to score six goals tonight despite this being the third night in a row they've had to play a game. And the two games weren't against just any team you can have a 'whatever' attitude towards - it was the Detroit Red Wings, the team who basically gave us the same lineup they had in a Stanley Cup final game minus Zetterberg.

For one, throughout our conversations during the game, we would name players we wanted to see make something happen. The other night we mentioned to each other how pretty non-existant Stempniak was, and then he scores not one but two goals tonight.
"Haha, maybe we should keep on saying such things, and people will start to do shit."
"Maybe we should."
Little did we know how much of a fuckfest this would cause.

Alright, here we go.

After the Stalberg and Wallin goals, we get excited and begin to name off players we haven't seen or heard much from over the pre-season.

Mr. Jason Blake is first on our list. Melissa calls him out and demands he do something to help us win. After some bad plays, turnovers and Hagman skating around the front of the Sabres net with the puck on his stick as if he were taking a leisurly stroll through the park, Buffalo scores. We get angry. But then,

Blake decides to listen to Melissa and score a goal for us. Good job, you're not in oblivion anymore. We get more excited. This is starting to look good.

Melissa's second "premonition", if you will;

If you don't get the Rick Astley reference, you need not worry. Vanessa is a bit insane and basically thinks that Rick Astley (you know, of Rickroll'd fame) and Matt Stajan have some uncanny resemblances. You can call her crazy, don't worry. She won't mind at all. And it's okay if you don't think they have a resemblance. Because even though they don't look alike...

Matt Stajan gets an assist on the Kulemin goal (along with Luke Schenn). Which means that, of course, just like Rick Astley, Matt Stajan will never let us down, never gonna run away and desert us....he'll never amke us cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, or hurt us.

.....Yup.

So by this point we're kind of like "heh, you know, we can use this to our advantage," so we do. It's what anybody would do, really. Melissa's third "premonition";

John Mitchell, who scored an insane and lethal goal for us the other night a shootout, is the next one that needs to step up. Mitchell gets a great chance,

But to rain on our parade, Hecht from Buffalo scores another goal. Toskala made a pretty bad move. We're disappointed. NO MORE MAN PURSE. Then Kennedy scores another for Buffalo. FUCK FUCK FUCK WHERE'S G-STAV?!

Hagman also has a FAIL at shooting when he had a perfect opportunity, at just the right angle, to shoot the puck INTO the net, but instead he shoots it wide. Good work.

Buffalo scores again. Melissa can barely watch anymore.

Lee Stempniak scores his second of the night, with an assist by who else but Mitchell?

By this point we're freaked out.

Somewhere in Arizona right now, Jim Balsillie was just approved as an owner for the Phoenix Coyotes.

By Melissa's fourth "premonition", we're basically jumping around everywhere wondering if we will be right or not.

In the meantime, Buffalo scores another two goals as we bang our heads against our desks. We can beat Detroit two night in a row, but not Buffalo? Fuck. We need some vodka and fast.

We're about to give up on the entire game when Grabbo single-handedly manages to scare the shit out of us but make us feel so special and pimp at the same time. He scores. WOO!

Don't mind our randomness. We were really excited, as you can probably tell. Although we failed to score again, we're proud of the fact that they were able to put up six goals tonight in their last pre-season game. We are 6-2 in the preseason, which of course isn't too shabby, and a hell of a lot better than what we recorded last year.

As of us writing this post, Viktor Stalberg (the people over at the NHL/Leafs website are still spelling it with a H, the bastards) is slated to play on Thursday night. We couldn't be more excited for him and for the team. This season is going to be a good one.

Some other news includes Christian Hanson being sent to the Marlies (honestly, to us, not a big shocker there) and Nazem Kadri being sent back to the London Knights to hone his skills. We'll miss you, Nazem, you and your nifty mittens. Make us proud in the OHL.

Can you feel the truculence? We can.

GO LEAFS!

G-Stav's in the house!!!

The minute this game starts we know it's going to be a sick game, with a lot of ownage going down, and why is this? Well our first images are of our Leafy's walking into the arena looking as pimp as can be. Luke Schenn must be getting some advice from the Finnish Fashionista, because he was looking FINE in that suit. Also during the anthem we got 1o seconds of Luke Schenn eye-fucking all of Canada...we can't even think of the number of women he impregnated in that moment, we are almost scared to find out. This was definitely going to be good game.

The first period was pretty uneventful. Wendel Clark and Bob Probert dropped the puck, hits being thrown around, the ice starting to melt because Stalberg, Bozak AND Schenn were on the ice at the same time (thank you for that Wilson). Hagman and Blake both failed miserably at trying to score, they had the empty net. Let's put it this way, we could've scored, and neither of us are really good at skating! And of course right after this Vesa Toskala lets in THE softest goal..after the 135 footer that is. It was softer then newly fallen snow. All we could think was, really Vesa..really?

The first intermission brought us our Bill Guerin wtf moment:

Yes, that is Joe Thornton with a dummy..acting as a ventriloquist. It's for a commercial promoting Sharks hockey you can watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m6vykvwvEM We laughed for about a year after.


And then comes the second period, enter Gstav.

It seems with the changing of the gaurds the Leafs starting playing with alittle oomph, this evidently leads to Detroit getting a penalty and BAM, Gunnerson with his first of the pre-season games tied 1-1!

A lethal shot with traffic infront! (See, shooting the puck does wonders.) After Komaserik get's a penalty for cross-checking Poni gets a highstick in the eye and blood is gushing, and, wait for it, no penalty is called. Of course. Somebody needs to get the refs some glasses or somethin

We love our rookies this year, and really REALLY don't want to see some of them go. An example of why they should stay well tonight on the power play our two favourite rookies teamed up to score a beauty, The Swedish Rocket a.k.a. Viktor Stalberg from Bozak and Ian White. The two of them are really tearing at us...and we would be very happy if Wilson and Burke decide to keep both of them *wink wink nudge nudge*

2-1.

You know that moment when you feel like the whole world is about to end, well that happened when Exelby fell which gave the Detroit Red Wings a 2 on 0. Have you ever felt the world being saved. We have. Jonas frikken Gustavsson with the most amazing save of the preseason by far. We are still watching it to this minute because it's a surreal experience to say the least. What a monster save that was (pun intended) Vesa better watch his back.

Gstav has Toronto wrapped around his finger after one save, we wouldn't be suprised if they name him mayor of the city after this.

Tomorrow is our last preseason game before the season starts. If our season is as successful as the preseason, well we'd be the happiest girls on the planet.

Buffalo tomorrow, lets kick some ass and finish this on a winning streak!

p.s. why do these people at NHL still insist on spelling it "Stahlberg"..we will repeat..THERE IS NO "H".

Mitchell and G-stav FTW

We won, which is absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

But fuck.

We're pretty indecisive bitches, because now we REALLY don't know who the Leafs should keep up. Stalberg? Bozak? (We honestly never considered Hanson, sorry.)

Stalberg had a pair of great goals tonight and now we're both back on the fence when it comes to choosing a member of the Frat Pack that will stay with the team. Ideally, we would obviously want both to stay up, but apparently it's an extremely long shot of that happening. Man oh man.

Gustavsson's first game with the Leafs went really well, as he technically had a shut-out in the first period. Toskala came in for the second and third periods, and he was fine, but then became stellar in the shootout. Props to the Finnish Fashionista...we'll give him another man-purse if he continues.

Grabbo had a sweet goal in the third that made us go into overtime. By the way, did anyone else but us notice the emptiness of the arena? We know it's the preseason and all, but if you market your city as Hockeytown, shouldn't the arena be just a bit more full? There were as many people cheering for Grabbo's goal as there were for Franzen's. Just saying.

John Mitchell's shot at the end was lethal. Needless to say we're going to be keeping a close eye on him this season.

As you can probably tell, we're not in the biggest mood to write a long, witty (hopefully) and picture-filled post tonight. Tomorrow night we face the Red Wings again, and we'll see how that goes.

The only picture we'll post tonight is that of this, from the box score.

Whoever writes these things needs to learn how to spell, or if he/she is too fucking lazy to do that, to simply look at the back of a damn jersey.

THERE'S NO FUCKING H IN STALBERG.

This is like the third time we've seen this happen. Get it right next time.

a love letter of sorts.

Dear Tyler Bozak,

Can you let us in on the secret of what the HELL is up with dudes from the prairies? You're from Regina, the capital of Saskatchewan, home of Tommy Douglas, farms, wheat, and more wheat. You played US College hockey with the University of Denver before signing with the Leafs. You're a part of the "frat-pack" with Stalberg and Hanson.

You, my good man, are simply amazing.

We don't know if it's because you're from the prairies, like so many others before you. Wendel Clark, Johnny Bower, Gordie Howe, Luke Schenn - all these players come from you're home province. We don't know if it's your boyish charm or the fact that you still look like a fetus despite being 23 years old. Maybe it's because you were a part of the team when the Victoria Grizzlies were named the Victoria Salsa. Yeah, that's right - SALSA.

Does this mean you know how to dance? Cause we saw you do some spiffin' moves with the puck tonight, and on previous nights. Needless to say we're impressed. Tonight's game against the Buffalo Sabres was kind of all over the place, but you were there to let us know that everything was going to be okay.

When we pulled JoeyMac (who, despite letting in three goals had a great game himself), we thought it was going to be over - we hate it when goalies are pulled. Hate it. Almost as much as we hate the Senators. Regardless, when the puck was sailing down the ice, we almost couldn't bear it. It was too much to handle. When the Buffalo player got it, we were about to vomit. We would lose 4-2. Our friends would not stop teasing us. We would hear about this in great detail tomorrow.

But then,

*falls off chair*

and that's when you cemented yourself into many things, for us at least.

For one, you cemented yourself as the one player we believe has the best shot of staying with the Leafs for the season. We were previously torn on this decision; Melissa was saying you because of your play-making abilities and Vanessa was saying Stalberg because of his speed. But when this happened, you were number one in both our hearts. Feel special.

Second, you cemented yourself as our hero of the game. In a game full of missed passes, atrocious give-aways and the biggest FAIL of life by Ponikarovsky missing on a breakaway, you averted disaster in a move that made our hearts palpatate. You haven't quite reached pimp status yet, but you're close. Keep up the swagger.

Third, you just became a man without having a bar mitzvah or anything similar. How does it feel?

We hope it feels good. In parting, we'd like to leave you with a few words;

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG HAVE OUR BABIES BUT I THINK I JUST FELT MINE KICK HOLY SHIT ZOMG AMAZING BOZAK BOZAK BOZAAAAAKKKKKK MARRY US AND MAKE OUR FAMILIES PROUD OF US ZOMG ZOMG WE LOVEEEE YOUUUUU BOZAAAKKKK COME IN OUR VAN WE'LL GIVE YOU COOKIES.

Love,

Vanessa and Melissa.

P.S. Calm down Schenner, you're still number one (and will always be number one) in our hearts...and child count.

P.P.S. Bozie, for the love of God and all things holy, PLEASE never do THIS to yourself again. Thanks babycakes.

Nazem's Nifty Mittens

Wait....so let us get this straight...
The Leafs won tonight.
And they won the game before...
And the game before that.
.....Wait...
And the game before that?
ARE THE LEAFS ON A FUKING WINNING STREAK?!
Why can't this happen DURING THE SEASON?!





ANYWAYS;

The Finnish Fashionista let us down early tonight by letting in the first goal less than three minutes into the first period. We're very disappointed in you, Vesa. No Prada if you keep this up.

People say Vesa feels good after recovering from his injury, but he doesn't look too good, to us. We know he can do this. We know it.

But instead Vesa sorta flops around like a fish. Bayda and Conner put in two goals and you're all like "Shit."

You almost lose hope and change the channel before you remember that we have Viktor Stalberg playing tonight and, well, let's be honest, anything can happen with his speed. You don't need a 3.4 GPA to know shit goes down when Stalberg is on the ice (which, oh-so cooincidentally, is his GPA while he's studyig like, finance or something.)

Viktor Stalberg FTW. He looks like he just found where Ron Wilson hides the cookies. You knew this would turn out alright, and it is. For now. Let's hope we can keep this up.

Komisarek had a couple of nice hits tonight, which is great, considering his presence was kind of lacking previously. He definitely made up for it tonight. Whenever he made a mistake on the ice he always fixed it by making a nice hit on someone that always made us happy.


Then this happened,

And you were like, "FUCK YEAH!" because now we were in business. The truculence was beginning to show. We love JStaal but couldn't help but laugh menacingly when Komisarek basically picked him up off the ice just to beat the shit out of him some more. It was a good moment, no doubt.

The puck kept on hitting the damn posts on basically every shot we took, which got us irritated. GET THE HELL IN, DAMN PUCK. It's not rocket science.

Then, the best moment of the game. Nazem Kadri scores late in the period and forces overtime. We're excited. You are too, and you know it. You also feel unexplicably pregnant, but you don't know why. However, shit-all happens during that time besides the puck hitting the pipes a few more times (honestly? come on).

We go to shootout. Can the Finnish Fashionista do it?

Nazem Kadri puts in a beautiful goal.

You're definitely pregnant.

Nothing else matters after this point because of how beautiful that goal was. You're just in a state of awe and already have plans on making your child a Nazem Kadri costume for Halloween. Or dressing up in one yourself. Either way you're awesome in our books.

BREAKING NEWS

IAN WHITE'S MOUSTACHE HAS GONE MISSING

If you were watching the game tonight, you MUST have noticed the absence of Ian White's prized, much-loved and much envied (for men who wish they could grow that facial hair) moustache. It has been a staple of Ian White for a while now, seeing as he is one of the only people capable of resurrecting the 70s porn stache and making it look pimp.




Please, if you have seen it anywhere, contact us, or make sure it gets back safe to its owner.

That is our official Bill Guerin WTF Moment, brought to you by... us.

Bill Guerin WTF Moment #1: The Untimely Disappearance of Ian White's Moustache.

Four game winning streak.

Bring it, bitches.

Pre-Season Games 1 & 2

Do you really expect anything different from Schenner? We don't. Homeboy threw around Carcillo as if he were a rag doll. He was basically just all "Sit down foo, I have a game to play." We love it. It's only the pre-season and he has already upped his official pimp status. Needless to say, we are proud.

The video of the throw down, posted on youtube (where else), has some incredibly funny comments. One such comment is, "Schenn looks like he has the strength of a farmer from Kelvington, Saskatchewan." Upon reading this comment, Melissa and I searched up this town.

BASIC FACTS ABOUT KELVINGTON, SASKATCHEWAN

Population: 866.

It was named after a scientist and inventor, Barron William T. Kelvin

Noteable natives? Wendel fucking Clark.

We now understand this comment to the fullest.

Viktor Stalberg was basically lightning during the first pre-season game versus the Bruins. We're pretty sure we blinked and missed him skate from the neutral zone to the net with the puck on his stick. Can somebody remind us why he hasn't played more games with the Big Boy's Club? Cause we seriously don't know.

Rosehill = beast. Two fights in two nights. That's truculence.

Mike Komisarek's first game in the blue and white was somewhat disappointing, yet somewhat good. He was unnoticeable, in our opinion, which isn't what you really want from a D-man, and a good D-man at that. He could have brought a better game, but we think he's just saving it all for the actual season. He did have a nice hit though, which kind of makes it all better.

TYLER FUCKING BOZAK.

(there was no picture of his goal, which is fucking ridiculous)

NAZEM FUCKING KADRI.

You complete our lives. Just sayin'. Your goals were so pretty our stomachs were overpowered with butterflies. Paired with the fact that you guys are barely legal, we think we'll love you long time if you keep shit like this up.

There's a game against the Penguins tonight. Schenn isn't playing. That's okay. Prior committments to go to ultrasound appointments to see some of his unborn children in the wombs of Toronto women takes priority.

We now leave you with what we think is an incredibly hilarious picture.

A) Excellent fucking job of cutting off Schenn's head, photographer. If we weren't so obsessive about hockey we would think that Godzilla started to wear the number two as an homage or something.

B) Notice the chick in the background with her eyes closed, yet a visible grin on her face. She knows teen pregnancy is bad, hence the closing of the eyes to refrain from becoming pregnant by Schenn. However, the smile tells us she wants to open her eyes. Who wouldn't want to become pregnant with a mini-Schenn? C'mon now.

GO LEAFS!

all images thanks to PensionPlanPuppets, Getty Images, and the National Post (barf).