OH HAI LUKE.

GIF credit goes to wraparoundcurl for making this piece of art worthy of the finest museums.

PREGNANT. WITH SEXTUPLETS.

Is it safe to say The Human Eraser is back?

Last night the Leafs played a solid game, but the biggest surprise of the night came in the form of Jason Blake scoring the game-winning goal. Sorry, we weren't exactly expecting it from him. It being Luke Schenn's 100th NHL game (and what a game it was) combined with the fact that the two previous goals were scored by defencemen (Mr. Mustache and Beauchemin) made us think that Schenn would score somehow. Unfortunately he didn't, even though he did have a few nice shots and an absolute monster hit on Sim.

Anyone else notice that Schenn basically eyed him out like a hawk on prey when waiting to finish him, Mortal Combat style. We're also pretty sure a certain someone...JIZZ
IN
MY PANTS

Tonight we play Boston yet again. Hopefully Kessel can get a hat trick this time? plz?


GO LEAFS GO!

things we've learned this past week.

We here at BehindTheBlueLine have learned some very important lessons this past week, and we'd like to share them with you.

1. University is the biggest asshole in the entire universe. Especially during exam season. We credit it for the lack of posts, and we are terribly sorry. That doesn't mean we haven't been watching the games, though.

2. Is that a Vesa Toskala mullet/faux-hawk? What will, laaaike, Mickeh Mause and his man poorse think?

3. Luke Schenn is slowly coming back to us. Colby Armstrong's funeral will be held...oh wait, sorry, we were distracted by Poni being temporarily awesome.

4. Poni can be a solid player on his terms...ocassionally. This needs to change to ALWAYS.

5. SAME GOES WITH YOU MATT STAJAN

6. Does Lee Stempniak have a switch somewhere on his body that he can turn on awesome mode whenever he wants? If so, we'd like that switch please. We could definitely use it.


For those of you in exam season: we share your pain and good luck to you.
For those of you who are not in exam season: LUCKY FUCKING BASTARDS


GO LEAFS GO!

a child friendly message from brian burke

DEAR LEAFS NATION,

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SWEARING THAN I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU CLICK THE LITTLE FUCKING 'X' AT THE TOP OF YOUR SCREEN.

LISTEN THE FUCK UP AND CALM THE FUCK DOWN. THIS IS BRIAN FUCKING BURKE. ALRIGHT, I KNOW YOU'VE ALL BEEN READING THE NEWS. "LEAFS GET SHUT OUT BY THE BUFFALO SABRES" FOLLOWED BY "LEAFS SHUT OUT THE DIRTY-ASS HABS." I KNOW, WE'RE FUCKING BI-POLAR, AREN'T WE?

BUT WE'VE GOT MORE SERIOUS ISSUES ON OUR HANDS NOW.

I KNOW YOU'VE ALL SEEN THE NEWS REPORTS BY NOW THAT JONAS GUSTAVSSON IS GOING TO NEED MORE FUCKING HEART SURGERY. YEAH, I KNOW. FUCK MY LIFE TOO. ANYWAYS, I WANT EVERYBODY TO NOT WORRY. CALM THE FUCK DOWN, FOR FUCK SAKES. HE'S GOING TO COME BACK SOONER THAN LATER AND FUCKING DOMINATE THE COMPETITION. IF WE WANT TO KEEP THIS GUY PIMPING FOR TEN OR FIFTEEN YEAR WITH US WE BETTER GET HIM HEALTHY NOW SO HE CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT. THREE WEEKS TO FIFTEEN YEARS IS NOTHING. NOTHING.

JONAS IS GOING TO BE OKAY. STOP SCREAMING AND THREATENING TO KILL YOUR FIRST-BORN CHILD. STOP GETTING YOUR FUCKING PANTIES IN A BUNCH. OH WAIT, LUKE SCHENN'S STARE MELTED THEM ALL. GO BUY YOURSELVES A NEW FUCKING PAIR.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS WE HAVE IAN WHITE. HIS MUSTACHE WILL TAKE HIS PLACE AS A DEFENCEMAN AND HE WILL BECOME GOALIE. HIS SAVE PERCENTAGE IS LIKE, FUCKING 1.0 ANYWAY. YEAH I KNOW. WHAT A PIMP.

HAVE A GOOD FUCKING DAY,
BRIAN BURKE

P.S - CAPS LOCK IS GOLD. I TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND NOW WHENEVER I TYPE THINGS IT JUST SEEMS AS IF I'M YELLING AT PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET WHEN I'M REALLY NOT. IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE FUCKING BADASS, DON'T YOU AGREE?

We don't want to jinx anything..

We have been so busy lately..school is a bitch, we hate it so much...but it is something that needs to be done.

We really don't want to jinx anything..so no mentions of streaks or good things happening. But to sum up what has been going on lately:

Pictures are worth a thousand words..

Buffalo up next..BRING IT

Go leafs.

"old vesa's back..."

Short, Open Letters to Some Bad and Some Good (because they do stil exist) Maple Leafs


Dear Jason Blake,
WHAT THE FUCK MAN. NO SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL?! CAN YOU START SHOWING UP TO SOME FUCKING GAMES? CAN YOU OH, WE DON'T KNOW, PLAY WORTH THE FOUR FUCKING MILLION WE ARE PAYING YOU?! WHY THE HELL DID WE AGREE TO PAY YOU THAT MUCH?! YOU SCORED FORTY GOALS....ONCE? OH FUCK.
DEMOTE DEMOTE DEMOTE DEMOTE DEMOTE.


Dear Vesa Toskala,
YOU TOO. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! YOU PLAY WELL AGAINST THE CAPITALS (YOU ALMOST REDEEM YOURSELF) BUT THEN YOU LET IN LIKE THREE GOALS ON SEVEN SHOTS.
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
YOUR FIVE HOLE IS STARTING TO BECOME BIGGER THAN LINDSAY LOHAN'S. STOP FOCUSING ON FASHION AND START SAVING SOME GOALS!
IF YOU DON'T YOU SHALL HAVE A SPECTACULAR CAREER IN A DODGEBALL LEAGUE BECAUSE YOU WILL DODGE EVERY FUCKING BALL.
CAN TOY DODGE A WRENCH?! WE HOPE SO.


Dear Ian White,
You, good sir, are god-like. You are a defenceman. You are a goalie (we're pretty sure your save percentage is like %1.0, which is more than we can say for Toskala) and you can be a foreward when you want to be. You choose whatever the hell you want to be in any given game because it is, of course, at your discretion; no-one can/will ever defy you and the power of your moustache. STOP SHAVING IT CAUSE WHEN YOU SHAVE IT YOU AND THE TEAM LOSE POWER. WHEN IT'S IN FULL BLOOM Y'ALL PLAY...LIKE HOCKEY PLAYERS. Although there is no 'C' in Ian White, but there is an 'A', which we think you highly deserve. (If you happen to have a middle name containing a C which we don't know about, please contact us)


Dear Jonas Gustavsson
You have an irregular heart beat and needed surgery for it early in the season, and, trust us when we say that it's not the best feeling to have to read "IR - Jonas Gustavsson (heart)" in newspapers or on TV. Yet you continue to amaze us. You're playing, for the most part, better than Toskala is with a groin injury (let's not talk about how he 'tweaks' it whenever he lets in nine goals on ten shots) and your accent brings smiles to our faces, especially when you say "I'm focusing, liiiike, real hard." Keep up the monster mashing.


Dear Carl Gunnarsson and Luke Schenn,
We kind of like you two together. Not gonna lie, the pairing is pretty ballin.

"vaaarrrlamoooovvvvvvv"

What a game we had tonight. From start to finish it was just one big bag of awesome ONE LARGE CAN OF WHOOP-ASS.

FUCK YOU CAPITALS, WE TOOK THIS SHIT

First Period

We kind of admit it - Vesa Toskala starting in net for us tonight made us somewhat scared. The last game he had against the Capitals he was pulled for Jonas Gustavsson. We were nervous, but the Finnish Fashionista...well, he redeemed himself.

The announcers's mouths keep shooting the shit about Ovechkin being "always ready to score" and being "the most dangerous man in the world."

Really? More than, oh, I don't know, the leader of the Taliban or something? Al-Quaeda perhaps?

Regardless, Oven Chicken played a pretty shit game even though he did manage to score the one and only goal.

By this point the Finnish Fashionista had already made some great saves so we weren't entirely nervous. We didn't expect to come back from a washroom break and have it be 6-0.

Second Period

After a few more close chances and some Ian White dominance, Hagman nicely tips it in from Grabbo and Blake.

The battle of the goalies continued. Both teams had many more chances to score but of course either Varlamov would stand on his head or not allow the rebound, or Toskala would just, you know, SAVE the puck and not flop around like a dying fish that got caught by some fat kid up in Muskoka.

Third Period

Blah

Overtime

Even more blah.

Shoot-Outs

Easily the best part of the game. Not because of the fact that we went into shootouts or that Varlamov hadn't lost a shootout (until tonight AHAHAHAHA), but because of one simple gesture.

RALLY CAPS!

We are currently scouring the internetz for the Luke Schenn shot. You know, that one with the rally cap and that cheeky grin on his face that made every chick is Czechoslovakistan pregnant? Yeah, that one.

Our babies kicked.

Manbearbeaver (Phil Kessel) scores as the first shooter out on the ice. We restrain ourselves from getting excited.

Eric Fehr FAIL. Okay, maybe we can get a little excited.

John Mitchell is next. We reminisce back to the preseason where he scored that lethal goal in a shootout. Misses. The smiles from our faces are gone.

Oven Chicken is next. We stare at the TV long and hard, with daggers in our eyes, hoping that actually daggers come out, so that they can go through the TV and - - - - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OVEN CHICKEN MISSES

WE ARE SO WINNING THIS.

HOLLA TO HAGMAN, BITCHES.

LEAFS WIN 2-1 (in a shootout, BUT WE WIN NONETHELESS!)

RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM

WOO!

ZOMG GUIZ MONDAY IS JOHN TAVARES' HOMECOMINGGGG OMG LIKE WE'VE BEEN WAITING SOOOOOO LONG CUZ LIKE, VANESSA HAD TO WRITE A FRENCH ESSAY ON HIM ONCE AND THAT ESSAY WAS THE SOLE REASON SHE PASSED FRENCH.

Peace out.

GO LEAFS!!

"The Leafs suck so hard that they swallow."

Leafs shit their pants.


We'll have another helping, please.

"one time I was at a fight and a hockey game broke out!"

Were we watching a wrestling match or was it a hockey game? If this game wasn't the definition of truculence we don't know what is.

Were we watching a wrestling match or a hockey game? If this game wasn't the definition of truculence, than we don't know what is. Four fights. Loved it.

First Period

Colton Orr decides to destroy. We like. The beginning of truculence is emerging and Orr is the catalyst. We don't even know if using catalyst makes sense because we're English buffs and were not cut out for science. But it sounds right, so we'll stick with it.

Mike Fisher decides to fuck with us and scores the opening goal. We read his quote. We actually laughed at his audacity to say such a thing when the Senaturds have also won only three out of their last ten games. Whatever Mike. Whatever.

After he scores, it seems like five seconds later, the Leaf's newest hero nets one in for us.


Thanks Kessel, you beaver-bear mix, you (we mean that in the most loving way possible since you're the biggest WIN on the team right now). We knew we could count on you.

Second Period

What doesn't happen during the second period?

Chris Niel decides to show the world how much of a cheap, cheap bitch he is. After he decides to check Luke Schenn, he takes a cheapshot while Schenn is still on his knees. The result? What the hell do you think?

>

MOTHER FUCKIN TRUCULENCE BITCH.

(Is Luke Schenn truculence called Lukeulence? Just a thought...)

Hagman nets in a nice one, and --- wait, ARE WE LEADING?!

We kind of get very excited (we're bad like that) and start spewing off insults towards the Senaturds (we're good Leaf fans like that) and the fact that Chris Neil and Foligno constantly look like ugly, angry Smurfs who didn't get their morning dose of sunshine or whatever it is Smurfs get (do they even get shit?) when Milan Michalek decides to rape us sideways, just like school has been doing to us recently and will continue doing until it ends in December. It's tied 2-2.

Only a couple of minutes later, Mike Fisher becomes possessed with the ugly power of country music. And not the good kind of country music that you kind of secretly like, where you bop your head to it or know some of the lyrics.

No, we're talking about the fucking COUNTRY country, as in the really annoying kind where when you're browsing the radio to see what's on and you come to that one country station and you're all like "HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THIS SHIT HOW CAN THEY DO IT ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG."

That kind.

He scores a goal. Ugh. Mike, don't make us mad.

Third Period

A few good saves by Toskala (mark it down on your calendars), some --yes, we have to admit--really good saves by LeClaire who just happens to become really good when facing Ottawa's biggest enemy, and basically nothing esle. No scoring. No evil, possessed country music.

Leafs lose 3-2.

We are back in Carolina Thursday. Here's to hoping we steal their women (the classy ones, at least) and the game again.

One last memento of Luke Schenn vs. Chris Neil Round Two:

We know what you're thinking because we're thinking it too. Yes, even if you are a guy...Luke has that effect on people.

GO LEAFS!!

Déjà Vu.

We feel like we've seen this before. Mediocre goaltending, no offence (minus Phill Kessel who despite all the crap surrounding him keeps bringing in le points), giveaways, defensive breakdowns..Oh wait, it's the beginning of the season all over again. Great.

Friday nights game=not a fun one to watch..3-2 loss to the Blackhawks...only thanks to Kessel for the two goal, and to Toskala for not letting there be more then 3 against us..

Saturday night...3 minutes in: 2-0 Calgary and two fights. WTF.




There is actually 500 different angles of this one fight. I hope you know where this is going based on that alone. Good news: Luke Schenn had a solid game playing with Gunnarson. We like this pairing.
This picture basically sums up the entire game. The Flames giving praise to Kiprusoff, who definitely kept the Flames in when the game was still close. 5-2 Flames..boo hoo..

Now on to our fun picture of the game:

Luke Schenn is disgusted at Ian White for allowing such a hit to occur. Luke Schenn is dissapointed because he wasn't in Ian White's place to make Bourque cry a little.

We face the Senaturd's on Tuesday..please win Leafs..please.

Go Leafss!

Don't judge a week by the start.

Sorry for the late update..university is a bitch. Well it's not like it was good news..Leafs lose 5-2 to the Minnesota Wild (Kessel did score a goal though..so yay for that). Our winning streak ended at 2...point streak ended at 7 games.

Another wave of bad news comes in the form of Mike Komisarek..out for 3-4 weeks...lovely, just what we needed.

Since it's been a pretty shitty week so far the Leafs decided to do something nice for us....sending Luke Schenn to a yoga class (we think Exlby was there too, but we were to distracted to notice)

We here at Behind the Blue Line would like to sincerely thank AM 640 for providing us with these picture and a wonderful interview, and also TSN who captured it on camera..you made our shitty week so much better.

We would like to note that during the video it looked like Luke was struggling with his knee that was injured last year. Ovechkin better watch his back, but he's hurt now..karma's a bitch ain't it.

Leaf's are in the windy city Friday night to take on the Blackhawks..lets rock and roll.

GO LEAFS.