Pre-Season Games 1 & 2

Do you really expect anything different from Schenner? We don't. Homeboy threw around Carcillo as if he were a rag doll. He was basically just all "Sit down foo, I have a game to play." We love it. It's only the pre-season and he has already upped his official pimp status. Needless to say, we are proud.

The video of the throw down, posted on youtube (where else), has some incredibly funny comments. One such comment is, "Schenn looks like he has the strength of a farmer from Kelvington, Saskatchewan." Upon reading this comment, Melissa and I searched up this town.

BASIC FACTS ABOUT KELVINGTON, SASKATCHEWAN

Population: 866.

It was named after a scientist and inventor, Barron William T. Kelvin

Noteable natives? Wendel fucking Clark.

We now understand this comment to the fullest.

Viktor Stalberg was basically lightning during the first pre-season game versus the Bruins. We're pretty sure we blinked and missed him skate from the neutral zone to the net with the puck on his stick. Can somebody remind us why he hasn't played more games with the Big Boy's Club? Cause we seriously don't know.

Rosehill = beast. Two fights in two nights. That's truculence.

Mike Komisarek's first game in the blue and white was somewhat disappointing, yet somewhat good. He was unnoticeable, in our opinion, which isn't what you really want from a D-man, and a good D-man at that. He could have brought a better game, but we think he's just saving it all for the actual season. He did have a nice hit though, which kind of makes it all better.

TYLER FUCKING BOZAK.

(there was no picture of his goal, which is fucking ridiculous)

NAZEM FUCKING KADRI.

You complete our lives. Just sayin'. Your goals were so pretty our stomachs were overpowered with butterflies. Paired with the fact that you guys are barely legal, we think we'll love you long time if you keep shit like this up.

There's a game against the Penguins tonight. Schenn isn't playing. That's okay. Prior committments to go to ultrasound appointments to see some of his unborn children in the wombs of Toronto women takes priority.

We now leave you with what we think is an incredibly hilarious picture.

A) Excellent fucking job of cutting off Schenn's head, photographer. If we weren't so obsessive about hockey we would think that Godzilla started to wear the number two as an homage or something.

B) Notice the chick in the background with her eyes closed, yet a visible grin on her face. She knows teen pregnancy is bad, hence the closing of the eyes to refrain from becoming pregnant by Schenn. However, the smile tells us she wants to open her eyes. Who wouldn't want to become pregnant with a mini-Schenn? C'mon now.

GO LEAFS!

all images thanks to PensionPlanPuppets, Getty Images, and the National Post (barf).