We don't want to jinx anything..

We have been so busy lately..school is a bitch, we hate it so much...but it is something that needs to be done.

We really don't want to jinx anything..so no mentions of streaks or good things happening. But to sum up what has been going on lately:

Pictures are worth a thousand words..

Buffalo up next..BRING IT

Go leafs.

"old vesa's back..."

Short, Open Letters to Some Bad and Some Good (because they do stil exist) Maple Leafs


Dear Jason Blake,
WHAT THE FUCK MAN. NO SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL?! CAN YOU START SHOWING UP TO SOME FUCKING GAMES? CAN YOU OH, WE DON'T KNOW, PLAY WORTH THE FOUR FUCKING MILLION WE ARE PAYING YOU?! WHY THE HELL DID WE AGREE TO PAY YOU THAT MUCH?! YOU SCORED FORTY GOALS....ONCE? OH FUCK.
DEMOTE DEMOTE DEMOTE DEMOTE DEMOTE.


Dear Vesa Toskala,
YOU TOO. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! YOU PLAY WELL AGAINST THE CAPITALS (YOU ALMOST REDEEM YOURSELF) BUT THEN YOU LET IN LIKE THREE GOALS ON SEVEN SHOTS.
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
YOUR FIVE HOLE IS STARTING TO BECOME BIGGER THAN LINDSAY LOHAN'S. STOP FOCUSING ON FASHION AND START SAVING SOME GOALS!
IF YOU DON'T YOU SHALL HAVE A SPECTACULAR CAREER IN A DODGEBALL LEAGUE BECAUSE YOU WILL DODGE EVERY FUCKING BALL.
CAN TOY DODGE A WRENCH?! WE HOPE SO.


Dear Ian White,
You, good sir, are god-like. You are a defenceman. You are a goalie (we're pretty sure your save percentage is like %1.0, which is more than we can say for Toskala) and you can be a foreward when you want to be. You choose whatever the hell you want to be in any given game because it is, of course, at your discretion; no-one can/will ever defy you and the power of your moustache. STOP SHAVING IT CAUSE WHEN YOU SHAVE IT YOU AND THE TEAM LOSE POWER. WHEN IT'S IN FULL BLOOM Y'ALL PLAY...LIKE HOCKEY PLAYERS. Although there is no 'C' in Ian White, but there is an 'A', which we think you highly deserve. (If you happen to have a middle name containing a C which we don't know about, please contact us)


Dear Jonas Gustavsson
You have an irregular heart beat and needed surgery for it early in the season, and, trust us when we say that it's not the best feeling to have to read "IR - Jonas Gustavsson (heart)" in newspapers or on TV. Yet you continue to amaze us. You're playing, for the most part, better than Toskala is with a groin injury (let's not talk about how he 'tweaks' it whenever he lets in nine goals on ten shots) and your accent brings smiles to our faces, especially when you say "I'm focusing, liiiike, real hard." Keep up the monster mashing.


Dear Carl Gunnarsson and Luke Schenn,
We kind of like you two together. Not gonna lie, the pairing is pretty ballin.

"vaaarrrlamoooovvvvvvv"

What a game we had tonight. From start to finish it was just one big bag of awesome ONE LARGE CAN OF WHOOP-ASS.

FUCK YOU CAPITALS, WE TOOK THIS SHIT

First Period

We kind of admit it - Vesa Toskala starting in net for us tonight made us somewhat scared. The last game he had against the Capitals he was pulled for Jonas Gustavsson. We were nervous, but the Finnish Fashionista...well, he redeemed himself.

The announcers's mouths keep shooting the shit about Ovechkin being "always ready to score" and being "the most dangerous man in the world."

Really? More than, oh, I don't know, the leader of the Taliban or something? Al-Quaeda perhaps?

Regardless, Oven Chicken played a pretty shit game even though he did manage to score the one and only goal.

By this point the Finnish Fashionista had already made some great saves so we weren't entirely nervous. We didn't expect to come back from a washroom break and have it be 6-0.

Second Period

After a few more close chances and some Ian White dominance, Hagman nicely tips it in from Grabbo and Blake.

The battle of the goalies continued. Both teams had many more chances to score but of course either Varlamov would stand on his head or not allow the rebound, or Toskala would just, you know, SAVE the puck and not flop around like a dying fish that got caught by some fat kid up in Muskoka.

Third Period

Blah

Overtime

Even more blah.

Shoot-Outs

Easily the best part of the game. Not because of the fact that we went into shootouts or that Varlamov hadn't lost a shootout (until tonight AHAHAHAHA), but because of one simple gesture.

RALLY CAPS!

We are currently scouring the internetz for the Luke Schenn shot. You know, that one with the rally cap and that cheeky grin on his face that made every chick is Czechoslovakistan pregnant? Yeah, that one.

Our babies kicked.

Manbearbeaver (Phil Kessel) scores as the first shooter out on the ice. We restrain ourselves from getting excited.

Eric Fehr FAIL. Okay, maybe we can get a little excited.

John Mitchell is next. We reminisce back to the preseason where he scored that lethal goal in a shootout. Misses. The smiles from our faces are gone.

Oven Chicken is next. We stare at the TV long and hard, with daggers in our eyes, hoping that actually daggers come out, so that they can go through the TV and - - - - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OVEN CHICKEN MISSES

WE ARE SO WINNING THIS.

HOLLA TO HAGMAN, BITCHES.

LEAFS WIN 2-1 (in a shootout, BUT WE WIN NONETHELESS!)

RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM RED RUM

WOO!

ZOMG GUIZ MONDAY IS JOHN TAVARES' HOMECOMINGGGG OMG LIKE WE'VE BEEN WAITING SOOOOOO LONG CUZ LIKE, VANESSA HAD TO WRITE A FRENCH ESSAY ON HIM ONCE AND THAT ESSAY WAS THE SOLE REASON SHE PASSED FRENCH.

Peace out.

GO LEAFS!!

"The Leafs suck so hard that they swallow."

Leafs shit their pants.


We'll have another helping, please.

"one time I was at a fight and a hockey game broke out!"

Were we watching a wrestling match or was it a hockey game? If this game wasn't the definition of truculence we don't know what is.

Were we watching a wrestling match or a hockey game? If this game wasn't the definition of truculence, than we don't know what is. Four fights. Loved it.

First Period

Colton Orr decides to destroy. We like. The beginning of truculence is emerging and Orr is the catalyst. We don't even know if using catalyst makes sense because we're English buffs and were not cut out for science. But it sounds right, so we'll stick with it.

Mike Fisher decides to fuck with us and scores the opening goal. We read his quote. We actually laughed at his audacity to say such a thing when the Senaturds have also won only three out of their last ten games. Whatever Mike. Whatever.

After he scores, it seems like five seconds later, the Leaf's newest hero nets one in for us.


Thanks Kessel, you beaver-bear mix, you (we mean that in the most loving way possible since you're the biggest WIN on the team right now). We knew we could count on you.

Second Period

What doesn't happen during the second period?

Chris Niel decides to show the world how much of a cheap, cheap bitch he is. After he decides to check Luke Schenn, he takes a cheapshot while Schenn is still on his knees. The result? What the hell do you think?

>

MOTHER FUCKIN TRUCULENCE BITCH.

(Is Luke Schenn truculence called Lukeulence? Just a thought...)

Hagman nets in a nice one, and --- wait, ARE WE LEADING?!

We kind of get very excited (we're bad like that) and start spewing off insults towards the Senaturds (we're good Leaf fans like that) and the fact that Chris Neil and Foligno constantly look like ugly, angry Smurfs who didn't get their morning dose of sunshine or whatever it is Smurfs get (do they even get shit?) when Milan Michalek decides to rape us sideways, just like school has been doing to us recently and will continue doing until it ends in December. It's tied 2-2.

Only a couple of minutes later, Mike Fisher becomes possessed with the ugly power of country music. And not the good kind of country music that you kind of secretly like, where you bop your head to it or know some of the lyrics.

No, we're talking about the fucking COUNTRY country, as in the really annoying kind where when you're browsing the radio to see what's on and you come to that one country station and you're all like "HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THIS SHIT HOW CAN THEY DO IT ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG."

That kind.

He scores a goal. Ugh. Mike, don't make us mad.

Third Period

A few good saves by Toskala (mark it down on your calendars), some --yes, we have to admit--really good saves by LeClaire who just happens to become really good when facing Ottawa's biggest enemy, and basically nothing esle. No scoring. No evil, possessed country music.

Leafs lose 3-2.

We are back in Carolina Thursday. Here's to hoping we steal their women (the classy ones, at least) and the game again.

One last memento of Luke Schenn vs. Chris Neil Round Two:

We know what you're thinking because we're thinking it too. Yes, even if you are a guy...Luke has that effect on people.

GO LEAFS!!

Déjà Vu.

We feel like we've seen this before. Mediocre goaltending, no offence (minus Phill Kessel who despite all the crap surrounding him keeps bringing in le points), giveaways, defensive breakdowns..Oh wait, it's the beginning of the season all over again. Great.

Friday nights game=not a fun one to watch..3-2 loss to the Blackhawks...only thanks to Kessel for the two goal, and to Toskala for not letting there be more then 3 against us..

Saturday night...3 minutes in: 2-0 Calgary and two fights. WTF.




There is actually 500 different angles of this one fight. I hope you know where this is going based on that alone. Good news: Luke Schenn had a solid game playing with Gunnarson. We like this pairing.
This picture basically sums up the entire game. The Flames giving praise to Kiprusoff, who definitely kept the Flames in when the game was still close. 5-2 Flames..boo hoo..

Now on to our fun picture of the game:

Luke Schenn is disgusted at Ian White for allowing such a hit to occur. Luke Schenn is dissapointed because he wasn't in Ian White's place to make Bourque cry a little.

We face the Senaturd's on Tuesday..please win Leafs..please.

Go Leafss!

Don't judge a week by the start.

Sorry for the late update..university is a bitch. Well it's not like it was good news..Leafs lose 5-2 to the Minnesota Wild (Kessel did score a goal though..so yay for that). Our winning streak ended at 2...point streak ended at 7 games.

Another wave of bad news comes in the form of Mike Komisarek..out for 3-4 weeks...lovely, just what we needed.

Since it's been a pretty shitty week so far the Leafs decided to do something nice for us....sending Luke Schenn to a yoga class (we think Exlby was there too, but we were to distracted to notice)

We here at Behind the Blue Line would like to sincerely thank AM 640 for providing us with these picture and a wonderful interview, and also TSN who captured it on camera..you made our shitty week so much better.

We would like to note that during the video it looked like Luke was struggling with his knee that was injured last year. Ovechkin better watch his back, but he's hurt now..karma's a bitch ain't it.

Leaf's are in the windy city Friday night to take on the Blackhawks..lets rock and roll.

GO LEAFS.

you're kidding.

Two game winning streak.

It's the smallest of winning streaks, really, but we're still happy.

We kind of have a lot to update on. We know. Bare with us.

Carolina on Saturday was a good comeback. Down 2-0 in the first period, the team came back in the second. Jonas had some awesome saves (but are you even surprised anymore?) and he didn't have another goal scored on him the entire night.

And now for your artistically-taken photo of The Monster

The team came back looking and acting more pissed off than ever, and you know it was because Ron Wilson flipped shit on them in the locker room. We tried to think of how much shit Ron flipped exactly, but we were never good at math.

"Everyone basically playing shit plus two goals against us take away the arena being half empty plus the fact that E.Staal is not playing...."

"RONNIE'S GONNA BUST A CAP"

John Mitchell thankfully got the hint and scored a goal, as did Nikolai Kulemin. The MASSIVE surprise of the night was the fact that BLAKE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING. He scored our third goal (wooo), making us lead 3-2. Nice to have you show up, Blake. You're only about a couple of weeks too late. The season started a month ago.

LEAFS WIN 3-2 (not in overtime or in shooutout!!!11!1!!)

NNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT

Quite frankly the most fucking hilarious thing to happen to us. Beating Detroit 5-1. Did you hear that correct? FIVE TO ONE. Detroit, arguably one of the better teams in the league (possibly because all of their players look like identical octuplets so they all have the same genes) apparently decided that they didn't want to show up to play the Leafs; they would rather fuck shit up with the hookers in downtown Detroit.

BIG MISTAKE.

Kessel scores his first of the season for the team. Other goal scorers included Primeau (who scored the first), Jeff Finger (FINGER BANG BANG -- BANG BANG BANG!!!!), John Mitchell yet again (two goals in two consecutive games. We like) and Poni.Indeed.

P.S -->We don't feel your pain.

HAVE A HEART DINNER

LOLZLOLZLOLZ WHAT EEZ THEEZE NOODLEZ I AM POURING EENTO BOX? WE DON'T HAVE EEN BELARUS.

The annual Have a Heart dinner was held last week to raise money for charities that the Maple Leafs support. We always love to see these pictures and the videos from the event because we love to see the Leafs supporting the community serving food to the people who pay their multimillion dollar paycheques.

And really, who doesn't want to get Luke Schenn and Phil Kessel to serve you some dim sum?

We know we would. You know you would too, so don't even lie.

Ian White's mustache was also in attendance. Judging by the fact that White is holding chop sticks, we're thinking that mustache karate chopped the shit out of any kid rich enough to attend who dared to defy White and Mitchell's food station.

You know by that crooked grin that he has already done something. Mitchell is smiling only to try and cover up the situation / his part in the beating.

GO LEAFS!

why hockey gods, why??

Hockey gods, if you are listening, would you mind giving us a clue as to why you continue to toy with us. We watched the game, we know you had something to do with all the almost goals..because if it was any other team they would have gone in (no point in denying it, we know your plans).
So tonight the Lightning came into the building. We are both excited for the game seeing as Phil Kessel was making his Leafs debut (more on him later) and also the Gangstav was going to be in net. Excitement fills us all!

Doesn't he look like a teddy bear...so pudgy! =)

First period..the battle of the goaltenders. Oh..and this:

This was so random, we laughed for at least 10 minutes. (Did anyone else note how when Hagman is really mad, he looks like an angry cat? Don't mess with him!) As the period continues Phil Kessel is welcomed back to the NHL:

There was a brief moment when both of our hearts stopped..we didn't want to lose him so soon after getting Phil back. But then he came back on the bench and every Leafs fan let out that breath they were holding in.

Tampa breaks the goose-eggs in the second with Vinny Lecavalier getting a rebound right to him after Gangstav turns the puck over. Third LEAFS SCORE BABY! Ian White again (It's the mustache, we know it!) Overtime here we come! It's going great lots of chances we are really enjoying this, we may even wi....WHAT! TAMPA SCORES! ARE YOU KIDDING US! THE NET WAS OFF, GANGSTAV WAS INTERFERED WITH, THERE WAS A HIGH STICK! The goal is reviewed but everyone knows the NHL hates us (even though we make them all their money..) and it is allowed. Leafs loose in overtime..again. Thank you hockey gods, I think we have learned our lesson, whatever it may have been.

Here is the one thing that really bugged us about this game. The Leafs were on the power play NINE times..they scored on ONE of those power plays. Sure Niittymaki was solid in net, but with some of the chances we had...to not bury it..rgooinwgq it's frustrating.

On some good notes though: Phil Kessel with 10 shots on net 19 directed towards the net...they will find the back of the net soon we are sure of this! AND TAMPA DIDN'T SCORE ON ANY POWER PLAY OPPORTUNITIES!!! this is the second game in a row...if we start scoring on power plays, and keep killing penalties..we may...dare we say it..win a few games!

Leafs play the Carolina Hurricanes on Friday...lets hope for some awesomeness!

GO LEAFS!

the birth of Our Luke and Saviour

Saskatchewan.

Specifically, Saskatoon.

The year is 1989. the Saskatchewan Roughriders have won the CFL's Grey Cup.

Somewhere in Saskatoon, a baby is born to proud parents Rita and Jeff. It is a boy, weighing about 12 pounds.

"Jesus Rita, he's fucking huge."

"YOU THINK I WOULD KNOW I HAD TO CARRY HIM IN ME FOR NINE MONTHS"

The boys is named Luke. We're pretty sure he came out looking like this.

Mr. and Mrs. Schenn soon discover that their precious baby boy has been blessed with the smile of an angel, but with fists of fury. At a young age, the boy gets into hockey and dominates everyone around him. His massive size and, well, let's face it, weight, make him a top hockey player in Saskatchewan.

Luke Schenn (as he becomes known - one must never say just "Luke", because that implies generality, and Luke Schenn is not generic - he is ONE OF A KIND) becomes even more dominant around hockey circles, and kids start to make fun of his size.

"Hey Luke! You're so fat your ass has its own zipcode!"

"Hey Stevie, guess what?"

"What?"

"BEHIND MY ASS IS ANOTHER CHECK MOTHER FUCKER"

Stevie was never involved in hockey again.

Soon enough, Luke Schenn comes of age where he is drafted in the WHL to the Kelowna Rockets. He clearly dominates there as well. It is here where Luke Schenn hones his skills and where more important people than just little old Stevie begin to notice the wrath that is Luke Schenn.

"Don, who's that kid, number five?"

"OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS?!"

"Noooo....."

"OMG JIM THAT'S ONLY LUKE SCHENN LIKE OMG HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW HIM HAVEN'T YOU SEEN HIS DOMINANCE OMG OMG OMG"

After three years of playing in Kelowna, Luke Schenn had had enough. "Fuck this," he was reported saying. "I want to go to the fucking NHL."

Whatever Luke Schenn wants, Luke Schenn gets.

The day of the 2008 NHL Draft. Luke Schenn looks nervous, but is truly unphased. In a backroom deal he has met with Cliff Fletcher and told him, "Listen here. I want Toronto. Toronto wants me. If you know what's good for you, you will trade up and draft me." Cliff Fletcher responded with, "OMFG are you serious Luke? You think I didn't do that already?! What kind of a moron do you think I am?"

Upon seeing Luke Schenn, Ron Wilson was all like, "THAT KID IS AMAZING AND HE'S STAYING ON THE TEAM I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY DAMIEN COX YOU CAN GO SUCK YOUR OWN - - "

"Hey boss," Luke interrupts, knocking on the door, "I'm kind of ready to dominate. Can I just go right ahead and buy the condo downtown?"

"Of course you can kid. By a pimp ring such as my own while you're at it."

Brian Burke takes charge and he and Luke Schenn immediately form a bromance. The best bromance of all time. At the 2009 NHL Entry Draft, Brian is heard saying, "See what would have happened? If I would have traded Schenn and our first rounder to Tampa, we still wouldn't have gotten Tavares. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT FUTURE CAPTAIN MATERIAL, POSSIBLY A FUTURE CAPTAIN, being traded, but then not getting Tavares. I would have looked like an idiot."

We love you Burkie.

Anyways.

Luke clearly dominates in his rookie year in th NHL. He ALLOWS Chris Neil of the Senaturds be his first fight. He introduced Tyler Kennedy of the Pittsburgh Penguins to his fists of fury he was born with as a child, and, when put as a player for a pre-season game shootout, he scored a fantabulous goal, which made Stajan make this face (epic Stajan face?! We think so)

Luke Schenn, now in his sophmore season, isn't phased by the "sophmore slump".
"Sophmore jinx? Bitch please," was reportedly his response when a reporter asked him about it. That reporter, just like little Stevie, was never heard from again.

Happy Birthday to LUKE FUCKING SCHENN who officially isn't a teenager anymore.

We hope many years of dominance and capitancy WITH THE LEAFS is in your near future, our good sir.

GO LEAFS!

PHIL KESSEL FTW?! WE HOPE SO!

"what in god's name are they wearing?!"

Luke Schenn found Waldo but unfortunately for us the entire rest of the team didn't.

Honestly, by the end of the game our eyes were sore from watching. We get that it was Haloween, but did the whole fucking Habs locker room have to agree on EVERYONE being Waldo?!

Leafs lose 5-4 in a shootout.

Hopefully the Tampa game will have better results.



GO LEAFS!